The RULES

  1. If you have had too much to drink, you will not drive home. We will find you a ride, or throw some blankets at you.
  2. Anyone who is on fire or covered in an acid or base who does not immediately move to extinguish and/or neutralize themselves will be asked to leave.
  3. Anyone who sets another person on fire or drastically alters the pH of another person will be asked to leave immediately.
  4. The Clown Rule — No clowns. That goes double for clowns making balloon animals, triple for mimes. We're so not kidding here. (Is there such a thing as a mime making balloon animals? I don't know, and don't want to find out.)
  5. Anyone caught abusing, taunting, or in general mistreating the rabbits will be immediately executed. No exceptions. Do not let the bunnies out, or we'll eat you.
  6. This house has not been kid-tested. Knick-knacks, outlets, fire, chemicals, porn, and sharp pokey things are all within arm's reach. Short people are welcome, but keep an eye on them. Unsupervised children will be given espresso and a puppy.
  7. Drinking to the point of vomiting is discouraged. Vomiting anywhere but the bathroom is prohibited. If you get alcohol poisoning, we believe in Darwin — we'll just let you die. Your body will be thrown in the irrigation ditch, or left for the stray cats in the yard.
  8. "I was drunk" is not a valid excuse for... well... anything. Offering "I was drunk" as an excuse will get you set on fire and pushed into traffic.
  9. Do not mess with the neighbors. We really don't want them calling the cops.
  10. Entering any area marked with yellow caution tape will irreparably destabilize the space-time continuum, and you will disappear from the party.

Subsection 1: The Shots

There will be a bottle of fine liquor and special shot glasses available for guests over 21. There are rules to the shots, however:

  1. There must be as many shot-drinkers as there are shot glasses. Peer pressure, cajoling, and double-dog-dares in order to fill the necessary number of drinkers are encouraged.
  2. Shots can be poured as stiff or as mild as the drinker prefers.
  3. Once the shots are poured, the drinkers agree on one person to provide a toast. After the toast, shots are consumed simultaneously.
  4. If a shot glass is lost or otherwise unavailable, there must be n-1 shot-drinkers.

NOTE: All rules are subject to modification by the homeowners, and only the homeowners. Any questions of rule interpretation are to be handled by the homeowners. All emergencies are to be brought to the immediate attention of the homeowners.